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Friday, October 06, 2017 by Teddy
Some of the Best Status Updates
Funny Status Messages
- If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
- I am stranded on toilet island
- There's this lost cause I believe is called myself
- Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and drive
- I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?
- Why do people use away messages, they're so stupid!
- I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
- Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart!
- I'll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib!
- I wish I were you so I could be friends with me.
Life Status Messages
- Smile, because it's easier than explaining why you're so sad
- Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end
- Don't let the past create the future, let the future erase the past
- A wise man once said, "To be old and wise, first you have to be young and stupid"
- No one dies a virgin... life screws us all!
- Growing old is manditory...but growing up...well that my friends...is OPTIONAL!
- The purpose of life is a life of purpose
- I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
- Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
- Everyone plans for tommorow, but tommorow is promised to no one
Love status messages
- Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened
- The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart
- It's ok to kiss a fool. It's ok to let a fool kiss you. But never let a kiss fool you.
- If you're going my way, I'll walk with you
- To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
- What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
- Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without
- It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
- No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry
- You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard
Sleep Status Messages
- Less talk, more sleep
- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
- Shhh... I've got insomnia and I'm trying to sleep it off
- I can't sleep because I'm depressed but I'm depressed beacause I can't sleep
- Sleep (n) : the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored
- The cow goes moo, the sheep goes baaa, the duck goes quack, and I go Zzzzzzzzz
- I'm spending some quality time with my pillow
- The Transitive Property of Sleep: Me = Human ; Human = Sleep ; Me = Sleep
- I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes
- Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My head would hurt and start to swell.
Insulting Status Messages
- I'm not here right now because I'm waiting for you to get offline
- I'm obviously doing something more important than you
- I obviously don't want to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll be sure to ignore it
- All the idiots of the world have surronded one computer... yours
- Listen, if I wanted to talk to you, I would be here wouldn't I?
- The Village called and said they were looking for you. They're missing their idiot
- I like long walks especially when they're taken by people like you
- Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
- I'm bored, your boring, so don't leave a message
- Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege