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Friday, September 22, 2017 by Wade
Dating over 40 after divorce can be scary. Here are 8 tips to write your online dating profile and get noticed.
In the next few posts, I’m going to be breaking down and sharing some of the online dating tips that I learned to help you when you’re ready for dating over 40 after divorce. It can be a learning process. I didn’t learn these tips by reading some book or guide. I learned through my own trial and error. Some worked, some didn’t. I made adjustments, and each time I learned a little more than the time before. I just kept on trying.
First off, let’s talk about writing your online profile. Don’t skip this step or answer the questions quickly to get it over with. Why? Because your online profile is your introduction. Imagine you were at a party and someone said “tell me about yourself.” You’d never answer “I’ll tell you later” so don’t do that online.
Writing your online dating profile
Step 1. Write a complete and thoughtful profile. If you are on match.com or eharmony, your online profile is key. It’s your introduction. Your story. What’s important to you? What are you looking for in someone to date? Are you looking for a serious relationship or just want to casually date? Make sure you put that clearly into your profile so people know exactly what you want.
The best way to write about yourself in your online dating profile is to think about how other people often describe you. What are the words they use? Are you “bubbly, caring, a born leader”? Do people describe you as “the life of the party, a true friend, a jokester, a gentle flower”? If you aren’t sure, ask your friends and family for words that describe you. You are trying to give someone reading this a way to think about you. Be specific, be imaginative, don’t give bland answers. Give fun details that would get someone interested. Are you a Patriots fanatic? Do you know the words to every Taylor Swift song? Are you a total techie and love Apple? Give someone a point of connection. A way for them to say “I dig Taylor Swift too!” It can help someone who want to communicate with you get a conversation started and it can help you locate someone who shares your passions.
Step 2: Start with the outcome. Work backwards. Study profiles of people that you find attractive, people you would want to contact you. Don’t just look at their pictures but really examine what they say is important to them. Pay attention to their words. Do they mention “intelligence, integrity” or use words like “world travelers, foodie, Game of Throne or football fan ?” Use language similar to theirs, to build connections. These are probably words that other people are looking for.
I’m not saying to lie and say you love Game of Thrones when you’ve never watched it, but use other profiles as inspiration for your own descriptions. You know how you look at job listings and include some of the same words from the job posting in your cover letter? Do the same thing here.
Step 4: Check yore spelling. Nothing screams I’m a loser more than an online profile full of typos and misspellings. I know it’s easy to do, especially when you’ve been staring at the same document for a while. You can type it into Microsoft Word so that you can use Spellcheck and then cut and paste it back, but that still won’t flag those words you used incorrectly, like “their” when you meant “there”. Your best bet is to have a friend you trust, who’s a good speller and proofreader, look over your profile before you post it.
Step 5: DON’T TYPE IT ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS: YES SOME PEOPLE DO THAT. We all know that it means screaming but I’ve seen people do this. Maybe they want to stand out or maybe they are just so amped and excited to be online that they forget. Whatever the reason, don’t do it or you’ll only attract people who are looking for crazy.
Step 6. Don’t be negative. You’ll read tons of online dating profiles that are tales of woe. Some start out right away with “I didn’t want a divorce but my wife left me.” Seriously. Don’t do that. You will turn lots of people off from the first sentence. You don’t have to lie but don’t use your online dating profile as a place to discuss your failed relationships. Nobody wants a sad sack. Yes if you are new to dating over 40 and are recently divorced, you certainly have lots of reasons to be negative, but on your online dating profile isn’t the place to vent.
Step 7. Don’t tell me what you DON’T want. Along the same lines of “don’t be negative”, don’t have a huge list of no’s (no drunks, no unemployed losers, no pains in the asses, etc). It makes you seem like a jaded, jilted ex. Instead, list what you DO want. List that you DO want a long term relationship, a best friend, someone who’s committed (if that’s what you want). Phrase things in the affirmative when you can.
Step 8: Revise, revise, revise. They say that writing a book should actually be called “rewriting” and that’s true for your online dating profile too. You don’t just write your online dating profile once and leave it. You change and adapt it depending on the outcomes you are getting. Are you getting the messages you want? Are they from the kind of person you want to contact you? If the answer is no, rewrite your profile, tweak it and try something new. Don’t be afraid to try another approach.
Eharmony’s blog has some great tips on setting up your online profile. Here’s an article on setting up your eharmony profile.
Keep revising your online profile.
I hope that these 8 tips to write your online dating profile when you’re new to dating over 40 were useful. I hope that they help you get back to dating and meeting new people!
I’d love to hear about what works for you. What tips and tricks did you find useful?
If you’ve found this helpful, please share with anyone else going through a divorce who might find it helpful for them too.