That deal 12 breakers dating view

Friday, September 08, 2017 by Sungo

It’s no secret that dating in San Francisco is The Worst. Everyone’s on all of the apps, super flaky, and always looking for the next best thing. But in case you’ve somehow come to terms with that and are still out searching for The One, there are a few deal breakers we think you should have on your list so that you don’t end up wasting your time.

They aren’t traditional deal breakers, like “not good in bed,” “has no sense of humor,” or “insists on photographing every meal before taking a bite” (though those are ALSO things to watch out for), but rather red flags that are very specific to San Francisco… things you may not have even thought of, but that will absolutely kill a relationship even with the nicest, kindest, funniest person. Unless, of course, that person is also good in bed, in which case you can probably let one or four of these slide. Not the one about the fog though. That’s non-negotiable.

Doesn’t Love Burritos
Mission-style burritos are a way of life in San Francisco and there is literally no point in dating someone who isn’t down to split one with you when you’re craving carnitas, guac, and cheese rolled up in a tortilla, but also don’t want to put 1.5-lbs of food in your body because this is just a light afternoon snack and you want to save room for dinner.

Lives in a “Rival” ‘Hood
Has anyone from the Mission ever found love with someone from the Marina? We don’t care if you actually know someone who has because studies tell us this combination is like mixing bleach and vinegar and will literally burn your eyes out if attempted. (One night stands are an exception, but beware: if you try to see each other again, you’ll wind up with chemical burns… probably on your private parts.)

Resides Across Town (or Even Worse: Across a Bridge)
If you live in the Outer Richmond, don’t even bother going on a first date with that cutie who calls the Dogpatch home. Because after a few months of hot sex, you’ll realize you’d rather Netflix and chill solo than make the eight mile/30 minute trek across town. (1.5 hours if you don’t have a car.) And don’t even pretend to try to date someone in Oakland or Marin… unless you’re super into long distance relationships that is.

Refuses to Take Public Transportation
Listen, no one wakes up in the morning and is like, “Yay! Can’t wait to hop on Muni today. Hopefully the train will be super delayed, and when it finally arrives, the only empty seats will be cradling puddles of coffee, and there will be at least one person who hasn’t bathed in weeks, a lady talking really loudly on her phone, someone clipping his toenails, and a guy eating an egg salad sandwich with his mouth open.” But the reason we aren’t like that when we wake up is because we’ve taken Muni a million times and we get that, despite its many, many flaws, public transportation is a good thing. That snob who refuses to get on a bus and says they’ll only take Uber? They probably also love to receive oral sex, but somehow always find a way to get out of giving it. We’re just sayin’…

Isn’t an Adventurous Eater
There are a lot of reasons to live in SF: the views, the weather, the affordable cost of living (just making sure you’re paying attention!)… but one of the biggest reasons to live here is because SF’s food scene is one of the most exciting in the country. Do you really want to waste every meal opportunity with someone who thinks DiGiorno is just as good as Del Popolo?

Enjoys Living in SoMa
There are some good things about SoMa: decent restaurants, AT&T Park, a, uh, movie theater… But if someone actually picked to live in a cookie cutter “luxury” building with a doorman and zero charm, they’re not the kind of person who will last long in San Francisco, which means you’ll either be moving back to L.A. or breaking up with them in the near future.

Has Rigid Political Views
It was once considered gauche to talk politics, but 2017 doesn’t allow for silence. If your potential paramour doesn’t fall on the right, er, left side of social and economic issues, then even if you can somehow manage to put your differences aside (because you’re a magician?), it’s going to be a tough road ahead. There are lots of places that welcome those with extremely conservative beliefs, but SF isn’t one of them, so good luck at every single dinner party you attend from now until the end of time. Which, thanks to a certain person, is probably arriving sooner than we thought.

Scoffs at the Idea of Brunch
If there’s one thing everyone in San Francisco loves to do, it’s brunch as a verb. There’s just something about eating gluttonous food while drinking delicious drinks—all before noon—that gives the weekend purpose. If you’re with a person who would rather eat a bowl of quinoa and chia porridge at 8 a.m. than shove pancakes and eggs and booze in their face while gossiping about the previous evening’s activities, then just know that you’re probably with a person who brags about knowing how to fold fitted sheets properly and showers immediately after sex.

Roots for the Dodgers
We won’t even dignify this with an explanation because no explanation is needed. Go Giants.

Doesn’t Like Road Trips
Northern California is extraordinarily beautiful with so much to see and do. Plus, one of the best parts of living in San Francisco is leaving it on the weekend.

Goes to Burning Man (or Hates the Idea of It)
There are basically two camps of people in San Francisco: those who love Burning Man and call normal life “the default world,” gush about their experiences on “the playa,” and enjoy running around naked and/or covered in body paint… and those who think all of that is bullshit. The rules of San Francisco are that you have to pick a side and can only date people who are on that same side. Otherwise, good luck to you when your significant other disappears into the desert for 10 days and comes back asking how you feel about polyamory.

Hates the Fog
San Francisco is foggy an average of 108 days a year. Do you want to listen to someone complain about the weather almost a third of the time? Or how much they miss “seasons?” No, no you do not. Plus, anyone who thinks the fog in SF is a negative is out of their mind. It’s one of the things we love most about living here.