Just pity me is out of dating he sexy

Thursday, September 14, 2017 by Sungo

Reply Wed 26 Feb, 2014 01:41 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. He's 7 years younger than me (he's 27). We just moved in together in the beginning of this month and have been talking about marriage - he discussed with his mom and sister that he was going to propose to me in a couple of months.

However, the very same day that we officially moved in together I discovered that he has been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend (we'll call her Sarah) whom he dated off and on 4 years. This is a person who he has never been able to let go of. He also cheated on his previous ex (we'll call her Mary) with her.

At first he denied it to me, but then I got his sister involved who contacted Sarah and she told her everything (all too happily). Sarah forwarded the emails that he had written her (about 12) where he says he loves her and wants her back and can't live without her. How much he wants her. In addition to the emails, she said the've been sleeping together and talking for the last 2 months.

Once it was all out in the open and he had to come clean I asked why he did it. We have had a fantastic relationship from the very beginning - lots of laughter, sex and fun. Never anything bad. He said to me that he wanted to hurt her. That he wanted to make her trust him and then screw her over the way that she had screwed him over in the past (they had a VERY tumultuous and unhealthy relationship). He also said that it was just about the sex. She is 25 and has great boobs that he loves (I know this because I have found photos of them on his phone before). I have smallish boobs, so this makes me feel horrible.

He was going over there and having sex with her while I was at Yoga on Thursday and Sundays.

He says he doesn't love her anymore. He says he only wants me. He says he made a huge mistake. To show me, he has called her and emailed her and told her they are completely done. He has written a loyalty oath to me and sent it to his family and me. He has given me access to everything - his phone records, his email, his facebook, his phone... Everything. He facetimes me whenever and wherever he goes. He has changed his phone number and blocked her and his other ex Mary from his phone. I have his emails set up so that if she tries to write him, or if he writes her, that they will be forwarded to me. I literally have created a technology wall between them. However, I know that if he wants to, he can still just call her from work or go over there and see her. And that thought is killing me.

However, since I have access to his phone records I went through them all - all the way back to the beginning of our relationship. And he has been calling and texting both Sarah AND Mary (his other ex) the ENTIRE time. There are about 15 days in the last 7 months where there isn't a call or a text to one or both of them. He says he was just staying in touch. But what the hell?

I love this man. I really believe (or I did absolutely before) that he is my soul mate. He is everything that I am looking for in a man. And I had NO idea this was going on. I had some idea that he might not be totally over his ex, but I've been in those kind of relationships before and I know how hard it can be to forget about the person after you've had so much heartache. So I understand... But can I trust him?!?!

This all happened about a month ago (3.5 weeks ago) and I have resolved to forgive and forget as he is so adamant about it being a huge huge mistake that he couldn't find a way out of. But there is one thing that happened recently (since this all went down) - I saw on his phone that he had googled her and looked at the images of her. I just don't know what to do. I mean I still google my ex from time to time, so can I hold him responsible for such a small thing? Or is it just an indication that I need to wake up, smell the coffee, and let this guy go? I am so sad. I love him so much.

I, of course, called him out on it and since then he has called a therapist and is going to go to talk to someone about his issues with infidelity and lying.

What would you do? We live together now. I want this man and I don't want to lose him - not because I am afraid of being alone, but because he is who I want. But I don't want to be with him if he will continue to do this to me. He seems so genuine though. I want to believe him so badly.

What should I do? I am trying to make thoughtful decisions and not just react impulsively. I don't want to do anything that I will regret - either way.

Please help. I really need advice.

Type: Question • Score: 35 • Views: 18,941 • Replies: 76

  • [+6] - jespah - 02/26/2014Hi. I'm sorry this is happening. I truly am. But you asked if you should wake up and smell the coffee. [i]Honey, you're bathing in it.[/i] Get out now, before you marry and it turns into...
  • [+4] - Tv123 - 01/13/2015I didn't understand why so many discredited your opinion and/or disrespected your viewpoints until I've actually had this conversation with you on this thread and the other. I don't think you're...
  • [+3] - Crazielady420 - 02/27/2014Take it from a woman that stayed with a liar for 8 years. They will say whatever they can to make you believe them. They will shower you with gifts over their guilt. They will offer access to...
  • [+3] - PUNKEY - 02/27/2014WHY? He's a liar who likes excitement and the danger of getting caught. And he has a gullible girlfriend who believes him. He lies to everyone! And you all take him back. AMAZING!! BE SURE to...
  • [+3] - jespah - 02/27/2014I'm with Punkey. And the why kinda doesn't matter. It's just happening. Hell, Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a prostitute. And so it goes.
  • [+3] - Tv123 - 01/13/2015I didn't "let" her cheat. And she didn't "love" the person she cheated with. You don't know what you're talking about lol. Are you this stupid or are you trolling?
  • [+3] - FOUND SOUL - 01/13/2015Which few? Eliusa putting people down where ever you go. They are wrong, you are right. Don't dare tell hubby, why hurt him. I love my affair partner. Mmm wasn't really worth it after...
  • [+3] - FOUND SOUL - 01/14/2015Actually, I said "separate" until you know what you are doing. What concerns me with you Eliusa, is that you aren't even happy with your new found friend, it wasn't even worth it,...
  • [+3] - FOUND SOUL - 01/15/2015 I have a strange feeling she is real, just a troll in the sense of immature and attention seeking and then all the other words I stated and would never take advice if it hit her in the head....
  • [+3] - Germlat - 01/15/2015[quote="FOUND SOUL"] Hey finding a "Forum" Troll thingy was pretty good ~ [/quote] It can be a little fun right? :-)

 

 

@littlenug,

Hi. I'm sorry this is happening. I truly am.

But you asked if you should wake up and smell the coffee.

Honey, you're bathing in it.

Get out now, before you marry and it turns into an expensive divorce.

You don't trust him, and he's not worth trusting.

Go out there, when you're ready. There are better people out there. People who won't screw someone else on the side and then lie about it. People who won't beg an ex to return to them (I don't believe the bit about punishment for one second).

Go and have a good life.

@jespah,



This.

@littlenug,

I think you need a new boyfriend. The current one seems a bit preoccupied.

@littlenug,

littlenug wrote:

He is everything that I am looking for in a man.



a lying cheater is everything you're looking for in a man?

<shrug>

then you should obviously accept his behaviour and stay with him

_____

Re-read what you've typed out here and really think about it. You may need to talk to a counsellor yourself about why you think this is a man you want to be with.

@littlenug,

and you have to consider that his two exes might think that's he's been cheating on them with you

he really is a piece of work

@littlenug,

Take it from a woman that stayed with a liar for 8 years. They will say whatever they can to make you believe them. They will shower you with gifts over their guilt. They will offer access to everything and offer to let you micromanage their every move. Once you begin to trust them again, the cycle starts out again.

Reality of it is, he probably won't change. You've invested 7 months, don't invest your heart any further to get crushed further.

My advice, walk away. Actually run... and don't look back

@jespah,

Thank you for your honesty. I'm just having such a hard time as I can't wrap my head around WHY... WHY did he cheat? WHY did he email her and start up with her again? We were so happy. I just don't get it. It's such a waste.

@littlenug,

WHY? He's a liar who likes excitement and the danger of getting caught. And he has a gullible girlfriend who believes him.

He lies to everyone! And you all take him back. AMAZING!!

BE SURE to get tested, honey. This guy is probably doing a lot more women than just his exes. Those are the ones you know about

@littlenug,

I'm with Punkey. And the why kinda doesn't matter. It's just happening. Hell, Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a prostitute. And so it goes.

@littlenug,

Hi your situation sounds very similar to mine. My fiance has been cheating on me with his ex baby mama for our entire relationship (2yrs). What is your email, we should talk. Email me at [email protected]

@littlenug,

Hello,
I have been in a similar situation over the last three or more years but my partner also has a child to his ex, which makes me feel less significant in his life as he will always have that connection with her. I have been pondering what to do for nearly a year now. Even though I have tried so hard to move on and forgive as he has been so adamant that he doesn't want to be with her as he loves me, just like your bf, I still cant forget. I am reminded every time he has his child as he has to pick her up from his ex, any time something about cheating comes up on t.v or in conversation or just lying awake at nigh thinking about it, and even though I have tried so hard to tell myself that I can get over it but I cant kid myself, it still hurts a lot. He has been away for a month and it has given me some time to be alone and realize that even though I love him I love myself more. I don't want to carry around the toxic and negative thoughts any more and there is something quite freeing with just letting go. Don't get me wrong it's been almost impossible to let go but I think it will only get easier with time. If it helps just tell yourself that you are friends for now until you can eventually distance yourself more and more. I hope you have found some resolution to your heartache and I would like to hear how you are doing if you wanted to share. All the best

@littlenug,

Move on. He's not worth it.

@littlenug,

@little nug. I was wondering how you are doing and what you did with the situation.

My situation is so similar exept that i was the other woman without knowing. I dated a guy who didnt wanted to commit but told me he was loyal. We broke up due to his jealousy. He insisted to be friends and was allways touching me and flirting, jealous and even seks several times. I found out to have a STD. In the end I found out he has a gf and that he cheated on me with his new gf (never called me gf) thus he was also cheating on his new gf with me. Due to the STD i emailed her. He on the other handtold her I am crazy, psycho, a threat etc and has seks with me out of pity. To me he says I dont love her but will commit to her, as she found he he cant me friends anymore but otherwise he still wants to visit me as jealous friend. He also lies to me about the STD and until the last moment he hide her from me and still being jealous.

What I am saying is, he is playing a manipulative game! I dont know why but I think mine lacks empathy and is a pathological liar. As he has the opportunity he will cheat again. He keeps a foot in the door with me, but i am too harsh to him so he is with her as she us still bying his lies.

So in your situation, i feel so bad for you. But as the other woman (which i didnt know before) he can be very convincing is saying he is single etc.
If you truly love someone and want the marital commitment there is no reason to have cake somewhere else. You may be the main gf, but he has fallback girls do you want that? He has been deliberately cheating on you that i am sure he will do it again. And what about the emails etc, my ex forwarded my anger texting to his gf, she sent me a hatemail and with that i can tell he has changed the order or not sent her everything although she claimes to receive everything
. Based on her incorrect story I can tell she has not received the full story. She believes him know but I know he is still lying to her. My ex lies to both of us the safe his face, to benefit himself.

Hope this helps with your choice.

@littlenug,

How did you do that with the email? I want to do that and cannot figure it out. My boyfriend and the ex email each other and i want access to that

@littlenug,

No matter how you might feel about him, he will always be the same person. He is never going to change. You know the kind of person he is, was, and forever will be. Marrying him is not going to change him.

@littlenug,

Marriage won't be a resolution for the problems u r facing at the moment.
He ain't worth trusting, he is giving u all the signs, get out whilst u still can.

Ur inner happiness comes first. I'll be miserable and get a crazy calling divorce

@littlenug,

Look up the word NARCISSIST you will most likely find your boyfriend fits many of the criteria - these types don't change they only become better at deception - the only way to take your life back (win) is to go no contact and move on with your life without him otherwise you will lose over and over

@yipster,

I have never seen word NARCISSIST being written as many times as in this forum!
Are you guys having a thread where you selecting word of the month and whoever uses it most often wins something?
http://able2know.org/topic/236313-1