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Thursday, December 21, 2017 by Brian
Don’t close the door on hope
Everyone says it: the dating scene is a nightmare. If you’re in it, you’re not happy with it. If you’re not in it, though, you wish you were… at least long enough to find someone to escape the scene with you! Too often, people just give up and settle for a life of solitary silence.
If you’d like to venture out of your shell or just want to improve your dating skills, there are options open to you. Not all skills have to be developed in real time, as you watch yet another date turn into a lost evening of failed hopes. Consider finding a dating coach to help you review your dating patterns, and polish your skills.
Reviewing the options
- What can a dating coach offer you?
- How do you find a good dating coach?
Better than trial and error
Most people “learn how to date” from a blend of gossip, media representations, and direct experience…better known as “trial and error.” Almost everyone knows a lot about the “error” part of that formula, but skills are best taught by demonstrating success and doing so realistically. Gossip and media representations often suggest success, but seldom demonstrate it clearly or present plausible, reliable contexts. As for trial and error? Very few people get lucky and are able to build on their first successes. Others persevere for years, slowly developing the skills of a successful dater.
Wouldn’t it be better to short-cut around that process, though? Learn “best practices” for social life, just as you would for business, sport, or a hobby? Wouldn’t you rather learn from a sensible, non-judgmental coach who knew you were looking for help, rather than from a dating partner?
Good dating coaches can help you evaluate your strong points, improve your presentation choices, work out dating strategies to provide you with choices and a chance to get acquainted, and more. Conversational skills can be assessed and polished. Time can be spent examining your underlying assumptions: what mistakes do you make before you ever even make a date? Some of our worst errors grow from false expectations.
Finding a great coach
All of these services, however, depend on finding a capable coach who’s a good match for you and your needs. That can be an intimidating chore for many of us – almost as hard as dating in the first place. Do we want to work with a man or a woman? Older, or younger? What style and expectations? Some dating coaches work best with adults returning to the dating scene after years away for one reason or another. Others are great for helping young adults just entering their serious dating years find their feet. Still others have the psychological and sociological skills to help a dater who’s trapped in a cycle of failures and dysfunctional patterns learn what’s going wrong, and fix it.
All these are legitimate forms of coaching, and yet there’s a good chance that no two coaches do all these things well. Finding a skilled coach doesn’t mean you’ve found the right coach.
Finding the coach for you
The best way to make sure you find a great coach is to begin with a counseling referral agency. While many other forms of counseling are evaluated by other forms of referral, dating coaching almost demands a referral service to have the best choices presented to you from the start.
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